Because the mind of a toddler is ever-changing,

a wise grownup should not commit to a handmade Halloween costume.

Halloween is not a huge holiday around here--that is to say, we don't go all in for the decking out the house all things spooky, and most years, my husband and I don't dress up.

But the entire month of October is filled with costume-making activities for Ada and Esme. We actually sometimes start the sketching and fabric hunt as early as August. Ada and I love making designs and poring over fabric colors and textures. And by October 1st, the studio is noisy with the whirr of the sewing machine, and my under-the-breath mutterings as I stick myself with pins or rip misjudged stitches.

I rip a lot of stitches. As soon as the fabric gets into my hands, the costume becomes less about Halloween fun, and more about how I can learn from the sewing at hand. I get obsessive about trying new techniques, experimenting with lining, or seam finishes, or little embellishments. I have to stop from time to time to remind myself that this is just a costume, and that Ada will love it regardless.

I admit I almost feel guilty about how much I like the whole process. If one of my friends coos over "what a good mommy I am" for making the costume, I'm quick to correct her that this is really not the altruistic act she thinks it is. Once that fabric hits the sewing table, the costume really becomes selfishly and deliciously mine. As obsessions go, it's pretty tame. But it's a bit magical just the same, I think--the sensation of the fabric changing form is wonderous. With some cutting and stitches, it goes from a flat, smooth square into something with dimension. And if I am lucky, it somewhat resembles what Ada requested in the first place. Win for her, win for me.

This year, Ada has decided to be a mermaid, and true to form, I have gone overboard (very punny). I will post more about it in the next few days after I've taken some decent photos of it in process, but for the meantime, think: Sparkles! Turquoise! Texture! Oh, and a lot of pin sticks for me.

As for Esme, well--she is a toddler, and her interests change from day to day, or sometimes from hour to hour. I had the ambition to make her a fancy, fringy, leather-skirt-and-vest kind of costume costume when she first declared she would be a cowgirl, but five costume ideas later, I gave up on sewing anything for her this year. That same day, we stumbled over this Dalmatian costume at Old Navy, and we decided it was perfect. Esme has worn it for many days now already. My only fear is that she will decide that, come Halloween, the Dalmatian costume is too "everyday." Ah well.

Ada's costume is draped over the back of my sewing chair, singing its siren song.

Must. Finish. Soon. Ada reminded me at breakfast that there are only three days left before she needs it. Wish me luck!

General Guidelines for Girls and Lipstick

When you choose a lipstick shade, make it one or two shades more intense than your natural lip color. Or, for a more dramatic look, choose a brighter color.

If you aren't used to wearing makeup, get some help from your best friend. She will give you an honest opinion of how it looks.

Be aware that you may have admirers, and you should treat them with kindness. After all, your beauty is irresistible!

If you are having someone paint your nails, it is a good idea to have something good to read while you wait.

Your smile will always be your best beauty accessory.

Spring Vacation

We are back from a lovely break to Miami.  Sun and sand, then some misty rain--good food, a visit with family, and it all equals a great break.  

We aren't habitual "spring-breakers," so even a three-day getaway was a real treat.   Not unexpectedly, the highlight was seeing the girls enjoy the beach and pool.   

Other highlights:

1.  Ada has turned into a little mermaid, swimming strong in the water.  She can float and swim well underwater!  A great accomplishment from a girl who couldn't get her face wet last October.

2.  Cuban food.  Plantains, rice, chicken, pork, garlic.  Ah!  I must try to cook some of this myself.

3. Esme surprised us with her language skills.   On our first afternoon there, Esme was approached by a little girl in the pool.  Somehow, Esme recognized that the girl was speaking French (she was!), and so Esme launched into French herself, saying, "Je m'appelle Esme."  (My name is Esme.) Baby French being what it is, the girl answered with "Quoi?" (What?)  Esme continued to repeat herself, and since her French is limited, so was the potential friendship.  Regardless, it was amazing to hear.   Especially because Esme changed the pronunciation of her name from our Anglicized (Ez-mee) to the French (Es-may).   

We have spoken a little French and Spanish with her, and she's picked up some phrases from Dora and from Hi-5.  But who knew she understood it this well?

4.  Our hotel, the Sagamore, bills itself as "an art hotel," and it is.  It's a gallery in itself, filled with provocative and pleasing displays of art in all media, from digital screens to sculpture to collaborative projects in the stairwells.    What a pleasure it was!  The picture above is of the girls in one of the many gallery areas of the hotel.

5.  I am not now the svelte creature I have wished to be, and yet, I had a wonderful time despite my misgivings about being in public in a bathing suit.   South Beach may be reputed to be home to the super-fit and glamourous, and there were some beautiful people around. But, as in all places, people appeared in all sizes and shapes, and they were all lovely in their respective confidence.   By the end of the trip, I was no longer expecting the thin police to step from behind a palm tree to ticket me for being fat and ugly.  In fact, instead of being disheartened about not being a skinny-mini, I feel excited about continuing my workouts and enjoying just being me.   This is progress, and definitely a highlight of the trip for me personally.

All in all, a wonderful trip!  Now, tell me about your vacations!

Photo Tag--Yea! I'm It!

Lovely and wise Julianne at Potpourripromenade has tagged me with a game. Here's how you play: Show the fourth photo in the fourth folder in your photo files. Then tag four more.

Here is mine:



In this photo, Esme is celebrating her first birthday, and she's busy choosing a toothbrush from the Tol table. The Tol ceremony is a Korean tradition for babies on their first birthday. In Korea, babies are dressed in the hanbok, and there are tables groaning with amazing ceremonial foods for celebrating. The Tol table is laid out with items that symbolize different professions or blessings for a person's life. A few items on the traditional table are:

• bow and arrow: the child will become a warrior
  
• needle and thread: the child will live long
  
• jujube: the child will have many descendants
  
• book, pencil, or related items: the child will become a successful scholar
  
• rice or rice cake: the child will become rich (some resources say choosing a rice cake means the child is not smart)
  
• ruler, needle, scissors: the child will be talented with his/her hands
  
• knife: the child will be a good cook
  

The child is seated on a cushion in front of all of these items, and the first two things he or she chooses are supposed to predict the direction of his or her career or life. 

We are not Korean by culture or birth, but when we adopted Ada from Korea, we decided to incorporate many Korean traditions into our family celebrations.    Not being raised with these traditions makes it difficult to to it entirely authentically, obviously.  But it also affords us some flexibility.  For instance, at Ada's tol party, we added a few extras to the tol table, including a thermometer (for a doctor).   Ada, being herself, first chose the thermometer and then the needle and thread.   On the video of this event, you can hear me lapse into a throaty cheer, not unlike a good Yiddish mama, "She's a doctor!  And she has long life!  Yea baby!"  I guess I channeled Barbra Streisand for a minute or something.

For Esme's tol table, we added yet another few choices:  a small plane (pilot) and a toothbrush (dentist).  She chose the toothbrush first, and then a measuring cup (a chef, perhaps?).   Ada likes to remind Esme that she's "going to be a dentist who likes to cook."   Time will tell.   She does like to brush her teeth and floss an awful lot, come to think of it....

Now to tag four more:

3continentfamily

American Koukla

Word Lovers Unite

and I know she's been tagged already, but I second it:

La Belette Rouge

Tag, you're all it!

Ho ho hold on a minute

Cue the music: "It's the most wonderful time of the year." And it's one of the craziest. Regardless of how much planning I do, how much ahead of time finding and wrapping and making, I am invariably behind. It's like a rule of nature.

Of all my lists (and there are many), my list of Christmas projects is usually the longest, and the most involved. And every year, I fail to complete about 50% of it.


I should put it on the calendar:
December 19th: Have a small breakdown because today you will realize the "great Christmas list" will not be finished. Feel sad, feel overwhelmed. Worry about how Christmas will not happen because of incompleted (fill in blank here).


I know I'm not alone in feeling the pressure to "make" a good Christmas for our family. The holidays do indeed conjure ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future.

For me, the ghosts of Christmas past seem to urge me to control every element of the whole season with deadly earnestness. As one might guess from my accounts of my own childhood holiday seasons, parts of my childhood were chaotic. Christmas was, for most years, a fun though limited blip on the screen of our family, something to be experienced in its entirety in the space of 36 hours, including the decorating, cooking, and gift-preparation. I am the cliche of the rebellious adult child, and I have shaped my own family life in the mirror image of the compressed holiday. Ours is a lingering, slow experience, with presents or small advent events each day of December. It sounds lovely, and it is. But I've also fooled myself into thinking that the perfect Christmas is a handmade Christmas, from the gifts to the decorations, And it's this misconception that gets me into trouble every single year.

Though I'm not sure you'd know it if you saw me, there is some part of me that shudders with fear at the thought of not making good on all my Christmas plans. Seriously, I quake at the thought of not finishing the stockings for each of us by Christmas eve. Where will Santa put his gifts? Never mind that we do have store-bought stockings that work quite well and look cute. I've dropped the ball--and I'm "ruining" Christmas.

Don't forget the handmade mouse (with babies), the flannel pjs and matching pillowcases, the embroidered felt ornaments for each of the girls, the collaged bookmarks for each of us, the gumdrop chain for the tree, the Santa outfit for Mr. Mouse, the Christmas pjs for Ada's babies, the matching Santa sacks for us to use each year, and the holiday skirt for Ada and the corduroy jumper for Esme. There is much more to add to this list, but I will stop boring you and overwhelming myself with it now.

This is where I stand today, and where I stand on so many Christmases, surveying all of the unfinished things, each in some form of progress, stacked around my studio and serving as reminders of my inadequacy. I just can't do enough.

But wait, I said I had conjured the ghosts of Christmas present and future, and this is what they tell me:
This whole month of December has been full, so full, of beautiful moments for our family. And there are gifts aplenty, even homemade ones, to give to our family. My husband would tell you, as sagely as Dickens' ghosts, that the best present I can give him and myself is to be present. For his ideal image of Christmas, I am calm and with them on Christmas eve, not fussing about the perfect wrapping, shiny bows and the best frosted cookies, etc.

The ghosts of Christmas future will forgive me if I don't finish all the great homemade projects. So will my kids. What they won't forget (or perhaps forgive) is the frantic and manic mommy that emerges on December 19th each year, fitfully aiming for a phantom ideal that eludes her each time.

I have made my lists, and the list is as long this year. But this year is different. This year, I give myself and my family a present of being. Just being, and being enough, too.

I'm signing off now to laze on the couch and watch Grinch with Ada, and then make messy, frosted cookies for Santa.

Early Halloween

Some photos of the girls from the early Halloween party this weekend.  Despite all my planning and intent to finish early (?!), I finished Esme's chipmunk costume about an hour before the party.   Of course,  within a minute of zipping the costume, Esme took off the headpiece with the hand-pieced ears.  But overall, the costume still says chipmunk, and Esme really liked it.  I'll post more on Esme's costume soon, when I can get some good shots of her wearing the whole thing.  

Esme waiting for a turn on the "rollercoaster.":

Esme on the rollercoaster:

Here's a view of the stripe in the back.

And here is Giselle herself--the princess and the popcorn.

The girls had a great time dancing with their friend, M., and both costumes held up well to their jumping, shaking, and spinning around.   They were all smiles on the dancefloor!  Now they are getting  excited about dressing up again for trick-or-treating. 

Pumpkin patch

Sometimes it feels as though our town is a throwback to another time.  There are no franchises here, no stoplights, and the farm stand uses an honor system for accepting payment.

A simple pleasure to visit this pumpkin patch on a sunny afternoon.  Here are the girls weighing their options for the best pumpkins.  

Esme finally found her favorite, which is just her size.   

School days

Growing up so fast! Better late than never--here is the photo from the first day of school. See the happiness on Ada's face, and the admiration of a little girl for her big sister.

My name is Esme

and I like to dance.

Here are a few scenes from our latest adventure, a visit with several old friends.


Between dancing and eating and walking playing and exploring, Esme and Ada had a wonderful time.



Esme fell in love with her new backpack, a gift from Miss Alicia....


Even when she is almost melting, and ready for another nap.

It was a great week, and a nice way to recharge. And, as Ada said, "This is really fun because you don't have any chores or anything do do, except play with us!" Exactly!

A scene from a regular day around here

Here's a shot of just a regular day around our house. Notice especially how Ada has attached "wings" to Esme. What's a little chaos when you have two cherubs flying around your family room?

Princess Esme

Ada decided we needed to add some regality to our home. A few snips, a few stickers, et voila! Enter Princess Esme. It was great until she decided to taste her crown...

Shhhh!

Little Fisher and Big Fisher discover the Johnny-Jump-Up. And after the swinging is done, it makes a great hammock. For only a minute, I swear--just so I can take this picture. Now shhh! You'll wake the baby.