Spring Vacation

We are back from a lovely break to Miami.  Sun and sand, then some misty rain--good food, a visit with family, and it all equals a great break.  

We aren't habitual "spring-breakers," so even a three-day getaway was a real treat.   Not unexpectedly, the highlight was seeing the girls enjoy the beach and pool.   

Other highlights:

1.  Ada has turned into a little mermaid, swimming strong in the water.  She can float and swim well underwater!  A great accomplishment from a girl who couldn't get her face wet last October.

2.  Cuban food.  Plantains, rice, chicken, pork, garlic.  Ah!  I must try to cook some of this myself.

3. Esme surprised us with her language skills.   On our first afternoon there, Esme was approached by a little girl in the pool.  Somehow, Esme recognized that the girl was speaking French (she was!), and so Esme launched into French herself, saying, "Je m'appelle Esme."  (My name is Esme.) Baby French being what it is, the girl answered with "Quoi?" (What?)  Esme continued to repeat herself, and since her French is limited, so was the potential friendship.  Regardless, it was amazing to hear.   Especially because Esme changed the pronunciation of her name from our Anglicized (Ez-mee) to the French (Es-may).   

We have spoken a little French and Spanish with her, and she's picked up some phrases from Dora and from Hi-5.  But who knew she understood it this well?

4.  Our hotel, the Sagamore, bills itself as "an art hotel," and it is.  It's a gallery in itself, filled with provocative and pleasing displays of art in all media, from digital screens to sculpture to collaborative projects in the stairwells.    What a pleasure it was!  The picture above is of the girls in one of the many gallery areas of the hotel.

5.  I am not now the svelte creature I have wished to be, and yet, I had a wonderful time despite my misgivings about being in public in a bathing suit.   South Beach may be reputed to be home to the super-fit and glamourous, and there were some beautiful people around. But, as in all places, people appeared in all sizes and shapes, and they were all lovely in their respective confidence.   By the end of the trip, I was no longer expecting the thin police to step from behind a palm tree to ticket me for being fat and ugly.  In fact, instead of being disheartened about not being a skinny-mini, I feel excited about continuing my workouts and enjoying just being me.   This is progress, and definitely a highlight of the trip for me personally.

All in all, a wonderful trip!  Now, tell me about your vacations!

Too Many Cookies, Corduroy

The cuteness of the overweight bears belies the reality: I could lose a few. Like, a lot. It's not just because I'm modest that you don't see my photo on this blog. Now, don't go picturing some Simpson-esque character saying "I wash myself with a rag on a stick..." I'm not headed for an episode on the Discovery Health Channel just yet. But two (or three) dress sizes smaller, and I would look more like myself--or the self I think I am.

I look at photos of myself from a few years ago, and that Kirie calls to me, her head tilted in a way that shows some concern and a bit of embarrassment, "How you've changed." A combination of years, a baby, laziness, and a general attraction to good food--et voila! I am no longer la petite Americanne.

So why blog about this? It's not news, not interesting, certainly not unique (as seemingly half the population starts on diets this time of year). I'm writing about it because thinking about my weight is taking increasing time. I've noticed that it's influencing me in more ways--in how I dress, how I stand, in how I experience the world. I know that I do see a look of surprise on my face when I see myself in the mirror--is that me? "Too many cookies, Corduroy," I'll think.   

I brush those thoughts off, most of the time. Being overweight isn't disgusting or sinful, and it's not from shame that I want to lose weight. And I'm also not putting off happiness, saying "I'll be really be happy when I'm a size 4." All that said, I do want to make my body match the image of myself I carry in my head. My problem: I just haven't been motivated enough.

To keep with the one little word, I want to enjoy all of it, you know.  I want to be fully engaged in life, and that means enjoying limits, and more time for myself (read: exercise).   As I pointed out yesterday, "enjoy" is going to be an active term for me, and the onus is on me to make the efforts of  (ahem) reduction (not diet, I stress) something joyful.  This active joyfulness is not as simple as it looks, I'm beginning to think. I need some help in getting there.

So I'm writing this to give myself the kind of kick only a little public humiliation can give. Make no mistake: this humiliation isn't about my weight, but about not fulfilling my promise. How humiliated I would be to go back on my word once I've stated it publicly? By saying "it's time," I'm making a public commitment. I promise myself that my lifestyle is going to accommodate more workouts, fewer calories, and less stress-eating. I promise you I won't bore the snore out of you with the details of my progress. 

Hold me to it.